My poetry

Sun, 09 Jan 2011 22:43:23 +0100

OUR

LIVES

HAVE

A collection of pain filled poetry

By John Goldsworthy

Copies of this book available at

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/ourliveshave

Published by: John Goldsworthy

Distributed by: www.lulu.com

Special Thank to: Melissa Brenton Whom I would have never

did this without!

Thanks to all the people who made this

possible.

I never thought I could do this.

This is for

John and Tori

Table of contents:

6: Accusation

7: A world behind bars

8: Birthday away

9: Born to Die

10: Butchers wife

11: Contouring my soul

12: Darkness inside

13: Dear nice people

14:Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

15: Don’t tell me

16: Feelings

17: Forever

18: Fucked up thoughts

19: Friend

20,21: Hatred in mior

22: I

23: I’m sick help me

24: I’m sorry

25: Jail

26: Life for a life

27: Love my loved ones

28: Love to hate

29, 30: My flow

31: My life

32: Not

33: Pain

34: Placement in society

35: Purely abstract

36: Self

37: Show me

38: Silhouettes of satin

39: Taking it back

40: Temp the whys

41: Thanks

42: That’s not right

43: Those three words

44: Truthful

45: Violence

46: We weep

47: You will never

Accusations

Alas I have come so far to be beaten by those of rash temperaments.

I shalln’t take these chains off for there will be lack of betterment.

Sorrow fills me now more than ever I feel the pain forever settle.

Discontent of my heart shows in all I do,

Now all I can do is peddle.

Pleasure has been taken from deep within my soul.

It can be described some what like an empty bowl

Once filled with the fruits of life and earned reparse.

Now more is less in a cage of hate for I’ve been disgraced.

Given time, these memories will fade, not all, yet, to live again.

A world behind bars

I am confined to a place behind four walls,

Where nobody sees me.

And nobody calls.

I dream at night of far away places, but wake up to the same many faces

I get up, get dressed, and go on with my day,

I wait for the mail to come but none for me they say.

No letter, no kite, not even a post card.

When nobody writes you it makes time real hard.

So kick back, sit down, and write me a letter.

To you it’s not much, yet it makes me feel better.

Because until you’ve been where I’ve been, and seen what I have seen.

You will never know how much a letter means to me.

Birthday away

Too many days away!

“Don’t be here please”, I say.

Never again will I spend another day.

I want to be outside so I can run and play.

Do not make me run away.

Can I stand by these words I pray.

Tell me I will be free and I will stay today.

When I am gone, I’ll look back.

And have to scream out YAY!

Born to Die

Can we show the world this fear?

Don’t wait all these things will fall too near.

These words…”Why do I talk to you”?

Listen not to the love you shared with others too.

The end is soon, yet my childhood took forever.

These breaths I take give me reason for my head to sever.

Do not heed what I said just show fear more!

Goodbye to those too old to fear the sores.

Yes your children will be there too, just wait.

Pray not before you or hatred is your only fate.

Life loves to take all that is good and nice.

Death shows how easy it is with one slice.

Tell me you’re not scared or tell me you don’t know.

……..It’s like a hole so deep and you are no more…….

Butchers wife

To sever flesh, from bone with mere fingertips.

To cleave the meat from legs of beasts with teeth and fits.

Cut out the pain; sever the spine with a spike.

Take off the fingertips with a musky or northern pike.

Pleasant smells of flesh as it sits in the mid day sun.

Face off chest down toes off ass out……

Now where done!

Contouring my Soul

Contouring my soul, your hart is a pillow I long to rest upon.

Moving smoothly threw my mind; your love is like a new song.

Blue skies, black night, emerald eyes, lasting light.

Never more shall I dought your intentions, they are true tonight.

Love me, caress me, and show your lasting passion, in those supple lips.

Bless my heart you have shown loves dieing kiss!

You will give as much as you can, which is enough for me.

Contouring my soul is your plan indubitably.

Darkness Inside

Darkness fall, bestow this hand strength to guide.

Given these thoughts give sight to these eyes.

None more cold nor harder, life forgives the innate.

Shaken, the rain falls from my lips, none more ill take!

Shallen’t I be forsaken, my love hath been taken.

Forgive my mind thoughts arise impure and defined.

I can’t give chance hold on my life, take foot and believe my plight.

Shown this pain I do forgive those who share in it.

Do not give me sorrow, they will see it tomorrow.

Conceived, thou hath the mind of the mired.

Twisted by notions of bliss and hatred, wallow in motion.

Thou hath no desire or inspiring hope to control me now.

To give is to take, as love is to hate, as now is to wait.

Allow for gaps and way be taken none more feared become unshaken.

Fearsome teeth gash at me from my mind so deep.

Steady me, I must wake or darkness be my only fate.

Purely evil spills of desired revocation of life.

Never to know how it could have been, lying in its excrement!

You want dark. I want light. I want peace. You only fight.

This hole is too cold and deep, how am I to sleep!

Splendid and blessed is this life, outgiving, yet untold.

We shall all see it don’t be fooled chance only knows

Dear Nice People

For all the good times and bad I love you all when it shines and when it

falls. Through spring and fall it seems like to many days have past since

I’ve walk these halls. I hope for my life that when its all said and done

that she lets me go away from all of this fun. There is not much to say

about nice people other then nice and dumb so if you want to be nice you

better carry a gun. And show them all that being nice is no fun.

P.S. Nice guys finish last.

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

I hate the way you try to look at me.

I hate you when you go to sleep at night.

I wish I didn’t hate you when you’re free.

I hate you when all you do is fight.

I hate your look when it changes day after day.

Fuck you for I can’t stay the same.

I want to hate for I am drowning in pain.

I hate how you’re not a perfect person.

Don’t give me a reason to hate to destruction.

Have you hated me this much at the bar.

John I hate you all you are <3!

Don’t tell me

Do we know where we go when we die?

To you it may be heaven but to me it’s a lie.

Darkness befalls all that know the truth of our life.

It is worthless and yet we strive to suffice.

Do not tell me god will save your soul and guide to the light.

I believe it was said before but not this way,

“Save me from the dieing light”.

I hate this world, in which we live,

Given time it will destroy it self!

Feelings

Not to tell how I feel would suit me well.

Afraid of those who would screw up too I tell.

Lucid and livid, life has become too much to bear.

Consorting with those, which do not want me gone.

Staying away from any which steer me wrong.

To share the rest is something I shouldn’t dare

These feeling are rare

Forever

Forever is a long time that will never shown true.

Lust is a pleasure that is just to fool.

Common thought pursued threw open eyes alone.

I must admit to walking away from a place I called home.

The words of many run hollow and sever.

Passion embraces us in this we call here.

Will I one day see what it is to be me.

For whom hath know none, know all, and are free.

I could go all night and spill how I feel.

But I don’t feel like it cause most people don’t care!

Friend

Do you see what I have become?

A person who seeks, with a loaded gun.

Did you know that I would be?

A person, who is filled with animosity.

Can you fathom the pain I feel?

A person who’s love is nothing but serial.

Will you try to tell me why?

A person, who speaks, will only build lies.

Why did you say these words to me?

A person so serious I thought I could see.

Never the less it too must all come to an end.

To you I am someone that use to be a friend.

Fucked up thoughts

I can not understand my self, why do I try so hard.

To tell you what I need to hear, then you pull my card.

Really, is it that easy to forget love is a feeling?

Even though I will ride out, these words will still be bleeding.

Terrified for I am lost, I need a hand to guide me.

Rectify these hurts of mine, do not speak in fallacy.

Torment is one thing your words spring with vehemence.

Collaborate these thoughts in a way of deliverance.

I will say these words I say do not mean a thing.

Because what I really mean could be considered an epiphany.

Words are useless I can tell by how you treat the world.

Why don’t we sit back and lace a blunt make it purled!

Hatred in Mior

As the memory fades the pain is revealed time can only heal what I sense

is real.

Your epiphany of this lasting belief is a destroying love made of concrete.

Crushing my soul, breaking my heart,

Wrenching my wrists, the bleeding starts.

The blood letting is here no more pain I fear.

Yet not much I can compare woo the sorrow,

The pain we borrow, from those we hurt today and tomorrow.

Does life work like a knife to a wrist slice it right and there’s no fits.

“Equal down the middle”, I say, cut right and watch it spray!

Or you’ll be left with dismay.

These coxed planes of regression arise.

Once, twice…Way too many times.

Don’t tell me I’m loved or cared for.

The pain you’ll release is more then I’m prepared for

My hopes and dreams are freed.

Your name in my arm bleeds.

I asked for your help love and respect.

Now all I get is hatred, bitterness, and condescent.

Hatred in Mior

:Con’t:

Fuck it I don’t care, I wish I could pull out all my hair.

Take my hand and hold it high! Cut it off and you’ll see what you did to

me.

I’m lost in here in my self.

Where did I go in my head? Fuck it I’d rather be dead!

Yeah! I said it and only you know what it means.

Our life together would have been serene.

I would say,” what you can’t do it right, hold on give me the knife.

Hatred in mior, oil on fire a long time denier.

My conquest expired. I’m a concept compiler.

You’re a love defiler. I’m considered a liar.

Yet I strive for higher!!!

Who am I? Where have I been? Do I know where I’m going?

How will this end? Have you looked at me? Is there hope in my eyes?

Do I look scared? Am I over there? Or am I in disguise.

Where have I been? Where will I go? How Much Will I Take? How much

will I know?

Is there a place for me? Why must I hide? Why must I shake?

There I go. Where is this? Here I am? There’s something I mist?

Why am I here? Do I come here often? Can I just visit?

I don’t know? I don’t care? I have nothing? I do fear?

Can I go? Will I stay? Can You Hear? What Which I say?

Am I wrong? Am I right? I don’t know? Here comes the night?

Now I can’t see? It’s to dark. All alone I am scared. I am in fright.

Will I live? Will I die? Please someone look in my eyes?

Tell me what I want to hear. Show me what I want, Compromise.

For it is said. I don’t have what I want so give it to me,

So I can be free from myself.

I’m sick help me

Oh, so sick, so dark, amorous thoughts fill the night.

Lucid, they show the right way to take a life.

I’m so sick of this torment, take this hate from me.

Can it be just tell me, I’m not sure….Why I’m crazy!

Grit my teeth for me; I’m sick of doing it.

Play me a song which no words could come of it.

Hint at the answer, which I look for and I’ll get it right.

Oh so sick, so dark, amorous thoughts fill the night.

I’m Sorry

I’ll never compare my ways to yours.

Given a chance I would take back the scorns.

To be free from solitude, lacking the fear of more.

Never will I break has been said.

Show how I may be relived of this dread.

Why do words make for feelings, which are over my head?

Compare me not these are my mistakes.

Shall I be condemned for them only god forsakes.

Misgiving thoughts you have given are real.

Do not show your words have a sense of appeal.

I’m sorry; these words seem to be something so surreal.

Yet I’m telling you this time and time again.

I Wish I could make my mistakes forever end.

If you don’t believe me when I apologize,

Then down the river I will send.

Jail

Morning my life, for it has died before I.

Caring less is one of the reasons why,

Life had this person set in a line.

Yet since this happened, It’s so hard to find.

Could not have seen this if it slowly crept up in my face.

And now I hear it load and clear sitting in this shitty place!

Do I question why it has come down to this?

Hatred, bitterness, betrayal, lust, violence, and bliss!

Yet one sticks out, one I have not recalled.

Happiness, in the quarter, for the person, I would have called.

It’s so simple now I look back at it all.

If I would have seen it coming?

I would have tried not to fall.

Life for a Life

My Nose bleeds for I picked it to death.

Your heart bleeds for you see too much and lie instead.

I just want to kill to give back what is free.

Life for a life sounds about right don’t you agree.

Never you will ever again do this to anyone I swear.

One more time, a chance I give, yet take one more life I dare.

Love my loved ones

I’m sorry my babies for leaving you unprepared.

Never did I think for a second,

I would be caught unaware.

You two do not know, this time has made insane.

Where were you to? How have you been?

Who has taken care of you?

I can only hope the sight of me does not hurt you.

They have taken you from me,

I want you back so bad.

But they won’t let me …

Please

I want to be your dad!

Sometimes hearts clash like mine and mommies do

But please just remember

My two babies

I will always love you two.

Love to Hate

I’m fed up and drained from being in here.

Losing you and your love is all I fear.

These feelings of shame you may not know much of.

But just remember all I have for you is love.

My weakness must cause you such pain.

These tears, fall from my face like rain

Every morning I stay up till five, to cry.

That’s when I realize I’ve not heard from you, are you alive?

I sleep all day to starve the depression of light.

Knowing your up and about, enjoying life is alright.

Yet knowing nothing, because nothing comes, is down right cruel.

I’m out of life, none more to give, as it seems you’re full.

If you’re going to leave don’t make me starve.

When I think about you in my arm your name I’ll carve.

Nothing would please me more then to be in your arms.

Just to feel your love would help me heal these harms.

You know I’m fed up, I can’t take this anymore!

Why do I feel like your out there acting the whore?

Really I can’t trust you after the stories you told.

Once I’m freed the stories will unfold.

While I’m in here you should have stood by my side.

Instead all you did was lay on your back and lie.

MY Flow

My flow is outrageous and slightly contagious.

My remarks are so tasteless.

When I am faced with this fake shit.

The basics are wasted on you.

Face it you spaced it.

Devastation of this track will leave cracks in the basement.

Conversions and statements for the words that are taken.

From my mind and is spit in many ways,

That convey this.

Fact.

That I am not faking or hating.

Just tiring to maintain,

A way that is paying.

Based on the fact I hit my girl from da back.

I’ll unglue your head from your neck with this

Louisville bat!

And as you lay on your back and try to coupe with the

smack………

The next time you talk shit it could be my gat!

MY Flow

Cont.

You can’t fight or deny it, its so true cause I write it.

My flow is so cold; your tongue gets stuck to the mic. head.

So when I spit this many words ice bergs crash to the stage.

My flow is so thick you feel like you’re stuck in a cage.

This priceless advice incites those who write to enrage.

When its all said and done and the sound of ringing fades.

You’ll see the hole in your chest……

It’s just been one of them days.

My Life

I look threw the eyes of the universe.

Blind to the sense, I have lost everything.

To give this time away would suit me well.

Every second, changes everything in my life.

Bashful regret, swells in a deniable swoller.

Open sore’s spew with puss from aged hollers.

Pulsing lead threw my vanes would help easy the pain.

Shot out of the shy like a 747, people scream in horror.

To know there life means nothing unless mine is destroyed,

Do you follow?

Not

Do not trust me for I am clever.

Show not your feelings for I will sever.

Haste not, to be slow allows memory.

Prepare not so you will experience life.

Try not to be what your not.

Pleasure not will show most of the time.

Conceive not is what should have been.

Show not your feeling for I will sever.

Do not trust me for I am clever.

Pain

Pounding down, my hart can’t take it anymore.

The lies living slowly, shown, no sign to die.

Forever is a commodity we can not afford to try.

Playing as a child took too long, yet I remember it all in a flash.

When I cry it’s not because what’s happing, it’s of the past.

I do not want this future; it hurts to know my children will die.

Why did I not think when I made my children alive?

Hatred I have dies slowly with age and the knowledge it was never meant.

Shattered my life gives way to scorn of those seeking betterment.

Sitting here, as I write, one thing becomes plainly clear.

My life is what I made of it and these words are oh so real.

Placement in society

This is my last day and I resent no more.

I’ll walk these dirty halls to the streets cold and poor.

I wish I hadn’t stayed so long to lose the love I held.

Never more when I’m gone, these thoughts will not compel.

Placed by lies… held by fear… and taken for a ride.

When I am free, No longer will I hide.

Conceived in a flash my last day draws near.

But now how come time slow, my mind is veneered.

Blanketed by swells of turn, and bubbles in my abdomen.

This being my most trying time, placed in a state of decadents.

I did not wish to be here, yet I did it all by mine.

If I could tell you how I feel words could not define.

I’m almost done as this day will fade below me slowly.

And as I rest and love the day I will once again be free!

Purely abstract

Calm and obscure plainly explains nonexistence in my life.

To have would behold greatness and conceived daily in plight.

Uplift righteousness to forgo endless self indulged light.

Prefer this flutter of wing under suns heat of night.

Placid and serial can only show smooth zig zags in flight.

Purely abstract thoughts can only convoy these thought

Called life……

Self

Today I laugh again.

Tomorrow I’ll try one more time.

Yesterday I was crying.

Before that I was lying.

The day after tomorrow is up for grabs.

Last week I was serious.

The week before that, I hated it.

This time is useless because I spent it by myself.

So next week I will look for myself.

Show me

Show me you on the inside and ill show you mine.

Show me how it ends and how defenseless you are.

Show me that wounds you struck will never heal with time.

Show me these cuts I wish I could inflict,

The blood would pour.

Show me the time of my life then take it away.

Show me I will never again give away my heart

To those who would stray.

You show me love and I to you.

Now you take it away like its yours.

It was ours you fool!!!!!

Silhouettes of satin

The light has shown the desired affect to my soul.

Distant and cool the wind from afar does blow.

Smooth sounds of my mind reach deep to stand the hairs on my arms.

Tranquil bliss smoothes the tension, from within there is alarm.

Droplets of iridescent dew touch my nose as we walk.

Oil from my skin, shimmers as fire in your eyes as we talk.

The most minuet feature shown as a billboard in the sky.

Under me I show my softer tender side.

To touch you gives me feelings unsurpassed by any in my life.

Pleasing you feels right…. Give me your hand so to be my wife.

These strings I pluck for smooth wanted tones… hear them and give rise.

Show that I’m given a love from a caring sophisticated woman and

Ill be your prize

Taking it back

This anticipation is killing my back.

Face down in these heavy hands, eyes are black.

Hunger…… only a though for my life will so reprieve.

No help or sanctuary from those whose love I’ve received.

Plentiful are the thoughts from those satisfied.

None from those still going down but stay up and nullify.

Soon I’ll be alive for the very first time.

Make sure you speak in your sleep in rhyme.

Taking a step back to see what’s around me.

Never again will this feeling have to be.

Tm everything I want to be.

So let me be free.

Tempt the Whys

Do not temp me I’ve taken it too many times.

If you are testing me do not think I am blind.

For seen, like a book from its cover, you don’t know who I am.

Pleasure for you may be eating steak, for me its making you eat spam!

Don’t tempt me for I’ve got to many reasons why.

I could hurt, give pain, and masticate, or pull the trigger on a dime!

To you I might be a punk but to me, you’re just a lie.

Too many times, too many “Why’s”, I see behind your eyes.

You can’t hurt me now I’m just a crazy man.

My family, home, and friends were taken and I was left without a plan.

Now days, I sit and think just how it could have been.

Do not temp me now, for I could be your end.

Just as I have seen so many times and time again.

Someone talks shit, gets the lip split, and cries to all there kin.

Then they come, needless to run, you try to defend!

In the end you’re in your head crying why again

Thanks

Thanks for being there.

Thanks for pretending you cared.

Thanks for making me fell you where all.

Thanks for watching me fall.

Thanks for telling me you where mine.

Thanks for showing me I’m just fine.

Thanks for giving me hopes and dreams.

Thanks for showing me how to be mean!

That’s Not Right

Scary as it is, shadows crawl at me from below.

No more I say, stand back foreseen to anole.

The teeth, the blood, the hair, the thud!

No more I wish to think of.

Those Three Words

As it seems my tranquil thoughts arise as the sun fades below me.

Transcending time and space these entities give rise to beliefs bestowed

upon me.

Foreseen in the past I know when they come yet there so hard to see.

They are grouped in splendor trickle with fluidity these words of three.

My fever for your passion gives haste to me gracing yee.

Can I tell you how I feel when the time strikes my fancy?

As darkness comes the sound of life gives way to deaths deprave.

Then and only then is it prevalent these words are here to save.

Pluck me up by my strings, hold me your way, and don’t let me stray.

Blessed are those words that arise to strengthen the tender embrace.

Yet fear these words for they cut deep wounds that do not heal.

Pound at my chest, show me your touch gives hope to my souls keel.

Given time the inferno fades leaving lasting hope that is real.

Tell them all in ways together or apart no matter its how one feels.

The reaction of such will melt the cold and straiten the serial.

Conquest of thought will take but a spoken word of lasting appeal.

Trust in them to keep you safe for the dark are out there ready to take.

Told in truth, death ties all in the dire embrace of fate.

Never more shall you fear the words that flew from the lips of the one

saying

I LOVE YOU

Truthful

If we only knew the truth about what goes on.

If we really knew the truth about it.

Really only a lie or two about what you say.

We would not be left with dismay.

If we could see threw the cloud of deceit.

To beat the foul smell of lies you secrete.

This would be the truth

Yet you let me down

Foreseen like a dream I know your crown.

One more time that’s all then I am done.

No……Not yet…. one more…..

this shit isn’t fun!!

Violence

Violent white knuckled aggression, destructive resistance.

Penetrates deep under the skin of the sinner’s pestilence.

Fear of decimation due to deception is irrelevant.

Dieing fast is a pleasure compared to the way I do things.

Decapitation is good for you but not for me I am arrogant.

We Weep

Carve the dark hearts out of there guess’s.

Tantalizing as it is, not forever but just now.

Bleed out there throats, I wish I do confess.

Unhappy is my look with twitching lip and stern brow.

Conceived in notion, less we forgive the action.

The squeal is sweet when gargled in blood of the hatred.

To be my life would best be said, “to be left in traction”.

A last it has been me to which this long I’ve waited.

Sure it boils and scars those who tempt the heat.

Just one more time with a suddle fist, I long to beat.

Down the long and narrow direction of life called a path.

We weep.

You Never Will

You believe your right and you made a difference.

You think time will pass and you will be significant.

You try to give pleasure to those who pleasure you.

You can’t show people the face that would be true.

You did give me a thought yet it pasted with ease.

You should go away because you’re so cold you make me freeze.

Goldsworthy poetry

our-lives-have

My poetry